Read/Listen to an essay from the collection


Survivor’s Guilt is a monumental meditation on grief and the aftermath of loss. These poems and essays are difficult but necessary in a time of digital death archives and extrajudicial killings. The writer is trying to understand what it means to live in a world of pervasive premature Black death.


Grief is universal and still an emotional experience that too few feel they can afford to participate in. Who gets to grieve and for how long? What do we do when people defy our expectations around what they should do with their feelings?


While we may know more about trauma than ever before, what is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) to many communities where the trauma is not “post” but instead perpetual and persistent. How does our online connectivity affect our grief? And what do we do with our collective grief?


Born from the author’s lived experience with personal tragedy – her 17 year old son Julian was shot and killed in 2017, three weeks after his birthday, this collection is also an archive of survivorship. Survivor’s Guilt wrestles with the curious reality that parenting while Black has never been a neutral existence. She dedicates 17 stanzas to Antwon Rose II, a 17 year old Black teenager slain by a East Pittsburgh police officer in 2018.


Their eyes say “go ‘head, show your teeth. Prove you ain’t a ghost.


There are elegies for the author’s father and childhood friend – one written in haiju, her own poetic form of 13 lines of 13 syllables with the last line invoking closure or finality. In the essay “Chasing Waterfalls”, she invites the reader into her healing adventure.


Survivor’s Guilt doesn’t let us off the hook. Yet, if we are able to be defiant in the face of destruction and refuse to look away, it will grow and remind us that grief is the evidence of having loved and why we should always remember the love.






Survivor's Guilt

Cover Type
  • Release Date:  October 2019

    Poetry and Essays

    Softcover book

© 2016 by Black Mermaids